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Giving Yourself Permission to Heal

Updated: Mar 28, 2023

Giving Yourself Permission to Heal - Blog by Xandra Hawes, Soul Essence Wellness Center

This article is based on our podcast episode, Make Magic: Giving Yourself Permission to Heal. Listen to the full episode here.

In this article, we are diving into "permission energy", the sticky places that keep us from getting what we want, and how to sink deeper into healing these spaces.

What Is “Permission Energy”?

“Permission energy” is the freedom and spacious YES we offer ourselves without putting limitations or judgment on our process.

Children radiate this energy of possibility because they haven’t learned what isn’t possible yet. I often find that we don’t give ourselves permission to do or try things openly, and it can really limit us as adults. How are we supposed to learn if we think we must know everything already?

This past weekend, I was at the Body, Mind, and Spirit Expo in Denver, Colorado, and did forty-six psychic readings. One after another, I began to sense a theme occurring in the people sitting across from me. Sometimes I do readings for entire families or friends, and there will be overlapping patterns, but this was different. I sensed and heard an undercurrent of uncertainty buzzing in everyone's minds. Everyone was a little frozen, struggling to trust themselves and their ability to take a step forward. Although each person could identify their goals, they struggled to give themselves permission to try something new.

The ability to give yourself permission, or the freedom to try something with openness and curiosity, is a huge tool I've been taught to side-step the paralysis that occurs when we risk doing something without knowing the outcome. Healing big things requires giving yourself big permission, and I rarely hear this nugget of wisdom taught in schools or traditions trying to teach the greater aspects of spirituality.

The Tricky Part of Using Manifestations

There's so much we unconsciously don't give ourselves permission to bring into our lives.

Manifestation or intention setting, for instance, has become a mainstream thought process in many spiritual communities. The formula is simple: set intentions for what you want to achieve or bring into the world and embrace that mindset or belief to attract the things you desire.

Here's the tricky/sticky part: This perspective creates the idea if you're manifesting well, you should be creating the life you want all the time. Almost like you're your own genie, right?

As much as I'm a believer in being able to create the life you want, this perspective makes the assumption that everyone feels they DESERVE what they want 100% of the time and could receive it if it magically showed up on their doorstep. I'm not trying to down magic here (because it's real), but most of us struggle to take in basic positive feedback, or to not feel awkward when someone compliments our shirt.

How often have you said you wanted to create, do, or receive something, but secretly didn't feel like you deserved it or weren't capable of it? Or were afraid of the outcome if it did happen?

Take how many people want to win the lottery. Let's think about this. Of the millions of people that play the lottery, how many people, at their core, truly believe they deserve gazillions of dollars? And feel completely confident in their ability to receive it? I'd wager the percentage is fairly low. My point in speaking to this dichotomy, is that when you try to manifest something, but don't give yourself permission to learn, explore and step into what you are dreaming up, you are not aligned. Your mental mindset might want something, but have you checked in with your emotions and body? Part of you might believe one thing, but a secret part, typically related to your worthiness, might not fully be on board. Getting what you want, and your ability to feel 100% worthy of what you want, can be different.

This split, wanting something, but not feeling worthy of it, creates an energetic cycle where you manifest lessons that literally zoom into healing your own wounding. For instance, if I decide I want to make more money in my career, but I am afraid I will fail or question whether people will pay me for my services, I am telling the universe that I want more money but am ALSO saying I need to heal these core wounds. Hence, I might get exactly what I ordered - I may make more money over time, but I will simultaneously have to go through life challenges that bring these core fears to the surface. And often, these core wounds need to be healed, first, in order to know our worth and manifest what we want.

Enter the antidote: Permission energy. When we give ourselves permission to do something, despite our fear and uncertainty, we open the opportunity to let go of an old way of looking at our lives or the world. When we spend time sinking more deeply into ourselves, we will notice the places that don't feel worthy or lovable. What do these spaces feel like? And where are they?

Bring "Permission Energy" Into Your Body

The places within us that need permission and healing are different for everyone. But most of the time, they are in the body. Sometimes they feel like a heavy heart, an ache in our stomach, a smoldering in our throat. Fiery, fluttery, cold - the body will often show us what part of us doesn't agree with feeling enough if we sloooooooooowwwww downnnnnnnnnn enough to feel it.

And what does it need when we get there? Breath (space), permission to exist (without judgment), and love.

This is a big secret I want you to know: If you don't have permission to love yourself, you might not feel permission to freely explore and move towards your goals.

When you are able to sink deeply into yourself and locate the places that don't have permission and freedom, it might be difficult to be with, but with breathe (space) and attention, your body will naturally release the stuck energy. And what's left when you release doubt, fear or uncertainty that's been locked away? Love. When we are no longer stuck, our bodies immediately return to a sense of ease, trust, and loving presence. Bringing your attention and care to the places within your body that lack permission will transform them into loving spaces where you no longer question your worthiness. When you give yourself permission to feel your own essence, to feel that deep well of trust, and to love yourself, you start acting on that frequency. When you tap into this limitless space with practice, it becomes an oasis for you to see yourself more accurately, and you begin manifesting from a place of permission, possibility, and openness to learn and grow without fear of not being worthy or enough.

You Have Permission

Jalaluddin Rumi, the Sufi poet, wrote a piece called The Guest House. It’s a beautiful reminder of how to bring permission energy and love to all of our pieces.

This being human is a guest house.

Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,

some momentary awareness comes

as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!

Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows,

who violently sweep your house

empty of its furniture,

still, treat each guest honorably.

He may be clearing you out

for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice,

meet them at the door laughing,

and invite them in.

Be grateful for whoever comes,

because each has been sent

as a guide from beyond.

It is a powerful act of care and courage to give ourselves full permission to deeply feel the places within us that are rising to the surface for healing.

Final Thoughts

When you combine the power of permission, the freedom to play, and are open to making mistakes along the way, you will find yourself on the fast track to healing. It is a revolutionary process: giving yourself permission creates more permission to heal in bigger ways with more ease. Doing so will bring more openness, creativity and relaxation while manifesting what you want without rigidity and strain.

If you find yourself struggling to work harder, think about kindergartners and their energy. They have fully given themselves permission to explore, play, and simply be present in each moment. It’s this innocence that can open us up to a new world of possibilities we never dreamed we could reach for.

I encourage you to ask yourself, “What do I wish I gave myself more permission for in my life?”

Want to learn how you can tap into play and your creative self to answer difficult or tricky questions? Read our Using Play To Find Answers article. If you connect with this article, but struggle to let go of doubt and judgment, check out Forgiveness as a Path to Freedom to learn more about healing yourself.

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